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I remember smallville had a whole ass story arc about this exact thing where he wouldn’t bang because he didn’t want to obliterate his gf, it turns out to be a major issue because >!it leads to his dad fucking dying!< Man that show was weird


Man, I would love to know what is happening at the CW writers rooms. Every show they’ve aired had some wild rides from how people describe them.


You don’t watch the CW for high quality TV. You watch it for fun, guilty pleasure shows that you hate that you love


Now, I legit loved the first three seasons of Supernatural. After that, \*wiggles hand\*. Then after season six, much less. I still haven't been able to make it all the way through watching the final season because I just... So tired of it.


Hands down fav episode had the depressed suicidal teddy bear that tried to blow it's brains out and it did nothing


And dean being scarred of the cat one too lol.


Why am I here?! For tea parties! Is that all there is??


I turned my boyfriend on to Jenny Nicholson and we watched her like 3 hour, Video about the vampire diaries and he kept laughing because it was so much like supernatural bullshit.


[apparently the marketing department was just as high](https://www.reddit.com/r/Smallville/comments/padpci/good_sex_bad_lex/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)


Every CW superhero show quickly reaches the moment where the writers say "OK, now that we have fans, what's the weirdest shit we can adapt?" for better or worse


"Ok, now we have the characters' fans, let's turn this into a romance drama!" Ugh!


That was definitely not what I expected to find in the spoiler


Same af lmao


Please explain.


The real problem was that he and his gf Lana did have sex before, but that was when Clark lost his powers (which happens like twice a season) so it’s the fact that he wouldn’t have sex with her after that which was pissing her off. So to save the relationship he takes her to the fortress of solitude, tells her he’s an alien, his powers etc and proposes. She says yes and their gonna get married Around the same time Clark’s dad was running agains lex Luther to be senator of Kansas or something so he wins, there’s a big party at the cafe lana runs and Lana goes to check on lex to see how hes handling the loss.(they are still good friends despite lex and Clark hating each other at this point) She goes there, they argue and she leaves. While chasing after her in their cars he distracts her and she gets into an accident and dies Because of her death Clark goes back in time and doesn’t purpose to her, preventing her death (his alien dads spirit sent him back) I can’t remember exactly what happens after that but in the Kent’s Lionel Luther (lexs dad) tell Clark’s dad he knows about Clark being an alien, Clark’s dad fights him and the stress gives him a heart attack killing him (Kinda irrelevant but the reason he has heart issues at all is because Clark turned evil and went to metropolis so Clark’s alien spirit dad gave Clark’s earth dad his powers, which affected his body)


what the crackpipes did i read


CW back when the writing was actually good.


If that was good, I shudder to think what their bad writing would be like.


The Arrowverse.


It was a wild ride for sure


It fucking was. I convinced my lady to watch it with me not long ago. At first, she didn't understand why I hated Lana so much. At one point, I think it was when her and Lex were... together or something, the bitch just walks through the Kent house and I yelled out, "FUCK SAKE, WOMAN! GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!" and now it's a bit of an inside joke.


It sounds wild in text, but it's all a pretty cohesive story in the show. Basically, the previous comment brings up three or four plot points that are each like 3/4 seasons apart. In season 2, Clark feels responsible for someone's death or injury (can't exactly remember) so he hits the red kryptonite which basically inverts his personality, makes him impulsive. He runs away and Jonathan Kent goes to Jor El and asks for help getting Clark back. Jor El give Jonathan Kryptonian powers temporarily to get him back but it destroys his body in the process. Several seasons later, Clark gets together with his high school crush who he never tells about his powers. When he's powerless, they get together and have sex. He gets his powers back, it strains their relationship. So he reveals his secrets and everything goes tits up. Clark goes to Jor El for help and he says he can only do it the one time. Clark goes "back in time" (this part is pretty vague) doesn't tell her. They break up, which interrupts a series of events that would have happened. Leads to a madman meeting up with Jonathan Kent and threatening Clark and Martha. Jonathan gets pissed and starts to beat the hell out of the guy, then his heart pops.


Man, Smallville was wild. I had a weird crush on Lionel Luther that I forgot about.


I loved the show, but when you write it out like that I feel like I just snorted a truckload of meth.


Yo what the hell are you watching


You think that’s weird? His laser eyes are activated by hornyness




So he fucked his dad? Huh?


This is an actual plot point in the TV show Smallville: he can't have sex with regular people, and the sex he has with superpowered individuals causes tremors, and breaks a solid oak bed. When he finally ends up with Lois, it's after he's done training with Jor-El in the Fortress of Solitude for a few months, and it's just explained that he got it under control as part of that.


Imagine that sort of training. “Son, you just blew a hole in the wall of the fortress.”


“Here, Kal-El, this is a kryptonite Condom, it won’t kill you, and you won’t kill your date. Just keep it on or else cleanup will be a pain. Plus it glows in the dark.”


For Christ sake, it was part of an entire scene in Mallrats: Brodie: It's impossible. Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry his child? T.S.: Sure, why not? Brodie: He's an alien, for Christ's sake. His Kryptonian biological makeup is enhanced by Earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. But that would kill him.


There was an episode of Justice League where it's revealed that Batman always carries some Kryptonite on him in case of an emergency. Perhaps it's in his wallet, in the form of a condom.


True to the comics too. But depending on the writer that amount of kryptonite is laughable. Dude fought through having the stuff lodged in his brain.


If Superman Returns, where Superman lifts an island made of kryptonite, has taught me anything about this it’s that kryptonite is only as strong as the plot needs it to be.


Sometimes he almost dies, but sometimes he goes right through it and it doesn't do shit


You could argue there's some bullcrap about the 'purity' of the kryptonite.


Must have missed that DC comic issue where Batman was 69ing Superman...


Which was likely inspired by Larry Niven’s essay Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex in which he went in depth on the subject


[Link for the lazy.](http://www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html) Worth a read.


I miss the old internet.


I miss the old internet, straight from the 'Go internet Chop up the soul internet, set on his goals internet I hate the new internet, the bad mood internet The always rude internet, spaz in the news internet I miss the sweet internet, chop up the beats internet I gotta to say at that time I'd like to meet internet See I invented internet, it wasn't any internets And now I look and look around and there's so many internets I used to love internet, I used to love internet I even had the pink polo, I thought I was internet What if internet made a song about internet Called "I Miss The Old internet, " man that would be so internet That's all it was internet, we still love internet And I love you like internet loves internet


I've read Ringworld, but Niven really demonstrates his range here.


This is what I came in here for. If you didn’t post this I would have. Link for the uninitiated. https://youtu.be/wqwUdp5-2D8


Robot chicken is on point here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_aMss1p8EQ


There's a deleted scene in Will Smith's Hancock, where the titular superhero takes a girl home to his trailor. She starts messing with him and it cuts to a wide shot of a set of holes appearing in the roof and the girl running out of the trailer screaming.


I feel like Hancock was hugely underrated, I really enjoyed it.


It was good but super fell off by the 2nd half of the movie.


I stopped enjoying it when it became a love story and got very very sad


You just invented a porn parody plotline


Pfft, you think I invented this? This has been an idea since Christopher reeves wore the suit AT MINIMUM!


I know for a fact that something along these lines is part of Mark Millar’s Wanted.


Im pretty sure thanks to rule 34 its already a thing, you just need to find it


I think this one is on bangbros


Im pretty sure there was a family guy cutaway where superman blew a chicks head open, and then the investigating detectives mentioned it was the same cause of death, as three guys in mens restroom at a bar


They had also had one with robot chicken


I hate to be the guy that ruins it, but kryptonite radiation can give humans cancer.


So does the sun…


"why is it ribbed?" "Well you want her to enjoy herself too"


There was an episode when Lana got temperatures super powers from some kryptonite bs. They had a lot of sex and wreaked havoc on Smallville with tremors.


This was taken from Dark Knight Strikes Again. Superman and Wonder Woman have flying sex in the Arctic, and cause natural disasters all over the world.


That book was a garbage fire, and not in the so-bad-it's-good way ASBAR was.


Every day I feel better and better about my decision to only read The Dark Knight Returns.


Pretty sure every guy in my generation remembers that episode.


Kristen Kreuk and Erica Durance were my first pic searches on our new computer in the early 00’s.


Too bad they both ended up in a terrible sex cult and pretty much ended their careers. More Allison Mack than Kreuk, but still. EDIT: I meant Allison Mack and Kristen Kreuk were in the sex cult, not Eric Durance. She wasn’t involved in any of it.


You’re confusing Erica Durance for Allison Mack. Durance played Lois.


I'm pretty sure Erica Durance was never accused of it, just Allison Mack and Kristin Kreuk


Kreuk was in the Cult first, and invited Mack in, then left the Cult. Mack doubled down on the Cult.


Honestly, I'd probably join a sex cult if I got to bang Kruek


"Burden of Truth" on CBC. You're welcome 🙂


There's a deleted scene in Hancock (at least, I think it was originally deleted; the version I have has it in) with something similar, where Hancock has to explain to his one-night stand that she *cannot* be anywhere in the "firing line", so to speak, when he his the peak or she will die; it then cuts to a bit later where he's literally blasting holes in the roof of his trailer.




It's in the unrated version for sure.


And the episode where Lana got Superman like power and they banged so hard they cause earthquakes for miles around.


Same with The Boys. One guy got his dick froze off, but seemed to accept it as the price you got to pay to fuck a goddess.


Or that landlord that popclaw sat on top of lol


It was a pop all right


Yep. Damn I gotta watch the rest of season 2


Did it ever occur to you, that they split your spine, or broke your dick, just for a laugh?


read Larry Niven's 1969 essay: [Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_of_Steel,_Woman_of_Kleenex) for a more in-depth look at Superman's danger to society.


Scrolled down for this. Thank you! Does that moon look oddly bright tonight?


Now that’s a reference I haven’t seen in a long time…


I’m envisioning something like from Scary Movie.


What kind of eh... "training" were they doing with his dad in the Fortress of Solitude?


Not entirely sure, since Jor-El was a disembodied voice, but it was pretty much explained as: Learn to control his powers And learn the history of Krypton and all related information.


"Kal-El, allow me to teach you a technique that has been passed down from father to son for generations... Krypton's super-edging technique. You must learn to control your super-PC muscle. Please first watch me demonstrate, and then I will watch you."


I will take one for the team.


So you want to go out with a bang?


Mate.. I'll be done before she has a chance to fuck me up with her pelvic muscles!. I'll be that different kind of superman!..


Mhmm the thought of a disappointed supergirl saying "are you a speedster"


No wonder the fastest man alive can't keep a date. This is a really bad quoting of a line from the justice league show


That line from Hawkgirl was cold.


A reporter describes him as "like the entire track team at once". Also in JLU.


Superquickman! more like it


So...the flash?


Fuck, you win. Am I able to give you my silver? Because you do deserve it more than I.


I think I might be able to give him a quicksilver


The flash


Faster than a speeding bullet...


Death by snu snu!


The spirit is willing but the flesh has been crushed by a super vagina


And if the worst (or best depends on how you look at it?) should happen and you fall, I volunteer as tribute to make sure it wasn't a fluke.


Death by Snu-Snu!


Yes! Loved that episode. Death by Snu-Snu!


The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.


Kegel goals


Her kegel exercise is probably sticking coal up there and turning it into diamonds


ohhh, so THAT’S why Diamonds are a girls best friend!


Queefing diamonds


Let it be known that I claim this name for my punk rock band!


practical and an investment. she’s really got it all


Genuinely made me laugh. Take my free silver and have a great day.


LMAO thank you!!


I wish I had another award for this comment


You can literally have diamond hands


A diamond in the muff…in the muff…


Apparently easier to start with graphite




fuck why didn’t i think of that


Don't worry. Mom says i have to split karma on Thursdays so you can have some.


She could with Deadpool, it would just regenerate... slowly.


A decent part of super strength is being able to both punch a bowling ball into low orbit, as well as plucking a dandelion off the ground and making a wish.


the bowling ball would shatter in to dust if you hit it hard enough to go in to orbit


He has tactile telekinesis, hence how he can pickup a building by the corner and it not fall apart. So he should be able to punch a bowling ball into orbit without shattering.




And here I was, thinking it was just comic book physics the whole time.


It is. This is the official retcon to make the "comic book physics" more believable.


Huh, of course there is an explanation for that.


Vibranium vibrator. Maybe with an adamantium clit tickler. Powered by Stormbreaker/Mjolnir.


Clit ticklers sound more like a funny device than a sexual one, like it sounds closer to a whoppie cushion than to anal beads.


Beads make it sound festive!


Yeah, not so festive when they are made of steel, worst mistake of my life!


Forget Supergirl. Now POWERGIRL...she can just fucking kill me...


And those bandonkadoos!


[Hancock deleted scene...](https://youtu.be/p1dzglJEqac?t=53)


By that logic superman would destroy any person or thing he touched. The obvious implication of him being able to shake a hand or pat a back let alone not crack floors as he walks is he has control to do things lightly too and she would likely as well.


I feel like these quotes from one of my favorite characters ever are relevant here: "It's impossible. Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle his sperm? I guarantee he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry his child?" " He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by Earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan, the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a Kryptonite condom, but that would kill him." -Brodie from Mallrats. Edit: I want to preface this by saying that I love comics but since far too many people are taking a funny quote from a funny movie far too seriously I give you another Kevin Smith quote. "They're talking about fictional characters. FIC-TION-AL CHAR-ACT-ORS! Am I getting through to you at all?"


That’s why he should install red solar lamps in his room. Takes away his powers but doubles as mood lighting.


I feel like you've given this too much thought


If that worked, wouldn't his enemies use red light instead of kryptonite?


It's stupid and it shouldn't work...but it has long been established that it does, for some reason. ...I mean, I think it's stupid. I think that the lack of yellow sunlight over a long period of time would clearly depower him, and that red sunlight would just lack the thing that powers him but not effect him any more adversely than like...being underground for 5 minutes in a subway tunnel, ...but for some reason, red sunlight actively depowers him almost immediately? ​ ...whatever. Comic book logic. Don't...don't think about it too hard.


It doesn't make sense because the implication is it's basically been stated by now that Superman is a solar battery of immense capacity. If you shut down the capacity for the battery to power up, it's still been charged and has an ability for output. Using red light should, sure, cut off his ability to charge, but it's not as if he just loses all the built up energy. It's even shown during the original Doomsday run that Superman can run out, but that it takes a very, very long time against immense force. Kryptonite is different. It seems like it disrupts something at the cellular level that allows the battery to output.


Superman is considered to be like a plant in the extreme. True red sun light replaces yellow sun energy in his body. Which is why red sun lamps are so effective against him. they *used* to only prevent him from gaining energy. But now they actively replace the energy stored in his body. Typically at an extreme rate. I don't believe Kryptonite and weakening super man has ever been truly elaborated on at least not with new 52 superman. I think it can simply be assumed it causes his body to start breaking down on a cellular level.


Batman does this in Superman Red Son and if I remember correctly it's also done in Flashpoint to contain him. I could be wrong on that last part it's been a few years since I read it.


Nah. Superman is stored with normal lights in Flashpoint. Maybe red sun lamps in the comics but it wouldn't really be necessary or make sense since hes been underground for decades by that point Superman at that point hadn't been exposed to sunlight in decades. Which is why it took superman only like 2 hours in the sunlight to reach what would be a severely emaciated superman in power.


I believe kryptonite is slightly faster but yes, it’s commonly used as a Superman depowering tool- but ironically less used than finding a space rock from a dead planet millions of light years away.


You don't need to find kryptonite, that stuff is basically everywhere. I don't know how Clark ever survived given that krptonite keeps popping up every time anyone digs something up.


Kinda reminds me of that scene in Hancock


Larry Niven wrote *Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex*, for a logical look at “super things”. Worth the read. :D


was horrifying when he got to the detail about superman's microscopic sperm being able to fly, having super senses, and able to penetrate most solid objects.... Every time he cums, all the fertile woman within a dozen miles get pregnant.


And anything vaguely egg like. He cums and your beach ball gets covered is flying spooge.


As much as the article is interesting, this aspect of it is almost certainly wrong. We now know what sperm are attracted to the egg by a chemical signature. It's highly unlikely Kal-El's sperm "hunt" by looking for round shapes.


Was going to mention this if you hadn’t beaten me to it. It was a really fun and thoughtful story. I second the recommendation.


That's a bit like saying I could control my hand when I pick up a cup, so I should easily be able to not move it all when I sneeze. It's a pretty automatic reaction and not under a ton of control, it's not like shaking someone's hand where it's a learned gesture and 100% voluntary.


This was my interpretation as well. She can control most things, but I highly doubt she could control muscle spasms during orgasm.


We're on reddit, you really think any of us can make a girl orgasm?


I mean involuntary muscle spasms are going to happen with or without an orgasm to some degree(unless you got absolutely NOTHING going on), so there’s still a chance. But correct! Redditors aren’t allowed to do these things. Foreveralones only here.


The one thing I would say in favor of her ability to control it is that she is an alien with supernatural/utterly impossible abilities. We honestly do not know to what degree she can manually control her automatic functions. It is possible that she can assume manual control of everything at any time. As the alternative is untenable for the genre, this is probably the way we should interpret it. (It also matches the whole "Superman can hear every noise on the planet at all times but is not instantly overwhelmed" thing. They seem to be able to handle the negative side effects of their powers through other powers.)


People don't exactly control themselves when they're having an orgasm..


Until you realise that if her vagina clenched during sex itd likely be a reflex. We dont have control over those. The shower thought stands


[Super cursed super NSFW supergirl hentai comic that kind of uses this topic](http://hentaifc.com/e/42970/c0#page1)


Not the worst thing I've ever read, but that "super blowjob" part was...*shudder*


~~*saves for later*~~


I'm glad this comic appeared, was thinking of linking it myself if no one else does lol.


Death by snu snu


We sentence you to death "Nooo" Death by snu snu "Woooo"


Oh, THANK YOU Lord in Heaven!


I love that show!!


Only thing is if she's having sex with someone she's actually attracted to her vaginal muscles would actually relax and not do what you say. So she can have sex, but you can't rape her or else your dick will be crushed


Has anybody mentioned Mallrats, Larry Niven, or Smallville yet?


yes , no ,and yes


Then read Man of Steel, Women of Kleenex. I'm joking because I saw that these three things were mentioned many times each.


I mean, only if she orgasms. And let's be honest, she's in no danger of that happening...


Nope, unfortunately it would also happen if she laughs . And I'd say that's quite probable 😂


I'd still try


Have you ever heard the sound a balloon animal makes when it pops? To that you have to add the sound of a pound of Bologna hitting the wall at Mach 2.


So like a bee mating, a plop sound as the bee’s… second sting explodes.


In the DCAU, Superman had fine motor control over his larynx, which allowed him to mimic Batman's voice while posing as him so he could fight Bane while Bruce Wayne was kidnapped. Compared to humans, it seems likely that Kryptonians would have greater proportional control over other muscles as well.


Kryptonians actually fly and appear to have super strength because their cells somehow manipulate gravitation and inertia. They can do this willfully it seems and with a great deal of accuracy based on Superman’s feats. This is how Superman can pick up a building without it crumbling around him and can crash into falling Lois at high speed without hurting her. Supermán, and presumably supergirl can reduce this field manipulation in their cells and be at least as gentle as a normal human if not more. Judging by comics and tv series at least.


I like this theory but as an avid reader of comics I’ve never seen it in any cannon.


It has been mentioned before as far as superman is concerned. It's called the bio electric aura. I think he used it to pull a planet or something.


If bullets bounce off superman and he’s man of steel then when he gets into fights with other super men (nuke geezer and the other 3). It shouldn’t matter how strong each of them are when smashing rocks over each other’s heads the rocks should just crumble not knock each other over 50 metres


Unless he can accelerate the rock fast enough, it would still disintegrate the rock, but it would hurt and hit someone.


Why is there an assumption of no fine motor control amongst the super-powered?


Ikr, Hell, it's a main focus in Invincible.


By that same logic, Kal El would blow out the back of Lois' head.


I mean thay doesnt stop lesbian sex or foreplay.


Foreplay can still be risky, if she clenched her thighs while your head is there you're going to be crushed. Think Pop Claw from The Boys


From my research it seems like the majority of women can't orgasm form piv only anyways


Idk why you're downvoted, it's true


LMAO, because they don't want to think, that they have been doing sex wrong😂


Still a risk for any to ngue or finger involved. Comics have indestructible materials though, she could have special sex toys made.


I'd imagine superman doesn't have a standard run of the mill penis though, it's probably reinforced where it matters, in order to take on such tasks.


So she can exclusively only have sex with her cousin. Nice


Well, you know what they say. Candy is dandy, but alien incest is best.


Hey I've read that comic!


You should watch Mallrats.


I'm good with going out that way 🤷‍♂️